!!#%*$

the end.

2009-05-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

this blog is done.
i have a new one now

http://heebies.tumblr.com/

thrillathon

2009-05-07T16:20:00.000-07:00

toronto specials

2009-05-07T16:16:00.001-07:00

lalaland

2009-05-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

i've watched some good movies lately

2009-05-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

awkward morning //

2009-04-12T12:49:00.000-07:00

kristigrassi.com/keepyournoseclean

2009-04-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

dear friends,

I'm starting a new blog. I'm still going to keep this one for the sake of writing about blowjobs and aliens, but i'm starting another one that will soon be a part of my website.

it will be less words, more art.

i think. ok

http://kristigrassi.com/keepyournoseclean

-

2009-04-06T14:15:00.000-07:00

dear shelby supersnake

2009-03-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

please have a show soon k?

They told me when I was little
I'd go to heaven, if I was good.
Now I'm a long way from little
Cause I tried to find heaven, cause I thought that I could
I thought that I could.
And I thought I loved Harold and I really loved John,
I really loved Alphy and I almost loved Tom.
I loved them so easy and I loved them so free,
So I don't think that heaven will wanna love me.

+

2009-03-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

omg it's me and shelby in helsinki 10 years ago.

kitchen knives

2009-03-01T15:25:00.000-08:00

ashes

2009-02-23T21:19:00.000-08:00

we walked the wrong way through the revolving exit. thin enough to squeeze by. my mom hates these places. fluorescent lights and grey fleck linoleum. half empty shelves. dented boxes at cost. strangely everything is still over priced though. the woman's voice is ridden with ashes. bleach. a fed up life waiting and waiting and waiting, but still every day with the fluorescence and the grey fleck linoleum. buzzing silent torment. and more ashes. wishes it would kill her but she isn't so lucky. ashes she'll never be.

this place is hell.

on the shelves are tacky ornaments.

i pick up a frame and sandwiched between the glass and the spray painted neon pebbles swims a fish. a siamese fighter fish. the kind hairdressers put in their vases. except this fish has no room to breath, to move, to live. not even an inch in there to call home.

screaming and screaming and screaming. mom we have to buy all of these fish and set them free.

it's kind of pretty though, she says.

XLKCJVKLJC

2009-02-15T22:20:00.001-08:00

remember when you were on msn when you were like a teenager, and then you'd be talking about blow jobs or something and one of your parents would come by the computer and you'd do this

XLKXK

XCOJ

X:XLJ

XVKX

that was the best.

Kristi

2009-02-13T09:17:00.000-08:00

my parents named me after an astronaut that blew up in space a few hours before i was born. they're so trendy.

thats me >>

sometimes i stare

2009-02-10T14:26:00.001-08:00

i don't know why that happened, you know i'm not usually like that

yeah i know

i think i ate too fast or something

yeah maybe

like i hadn't eaten all day so i just forced it all down so fast

don't worry about it

oh my god like thank god we didn't get on the street car a few stops back

yeah

i ate too fast i think

do you wanna go to the grocery store

now? no i want to go home

should we go before dinner? i need chicken

sure

and soy milk. i don't like regular milk. i don't like the texture of it. i really need soy milk

WHO REMEMBERS WHEN WE WERE ALL EMO

2009-02-07T15:13:00.000-08:00

dear diary

2009-02-04T19:02:00.000-08:00

today i lost my virginity.

sweet 16 highlights:

2009-02-01T18:06:00.000-08:00

1. the cat caught on fire

2. neil took a pregnancy test from dollarama

3. bryan arcand came

4. the plumber walked into this display today in the bathroom...

science vs magic

2009-01-29T19:08:00.000-08:00

today for my birthday i decided to try and figure out the meaning of life via scientific video's. a large task for one day but i had nothing better to do so i watched some bbc documentaries on the scientific study of the illusions of reality. i like bbc because it's to the point. no cheese. after i was so overwhelmed i wanted to kill myself.

i like science so much

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS UPDATE

2009-01-19T21:49:00.000-08:00

#1 LEARN TO DO THE SPLITS -- not yet.

#2 START A SLUTTY GIRL BAND WITH SHELBY

-- we went to the jam space today. the owner was passed out on the floor when we got there so we had to wake him up. he told me it wasn't my fault. oh good. then he told us he was "just a romantic" and that he wanted to squeeze us. after that he made a sexual joke about a patch chord. We also noticed that the airbrushed skull on the wall, designed by kevin federline himself had been worked on a bit. this place is the best 10 dollars an hour i've ever spent.

#3 STOP DATING TWEENAGERS -- ...

#4 STOP PERFORMING HOME HAIR CUTS -- yes i did go to the hairdresser last week.

dear kenny hotz

2009-01-18T21:14:00.001-08:00

dear kenny hotz

i don't know if you remember me. you tried to make me take my shirt off at a party. it didn't work. anyways. in case you read this my dearest friend really wants to make out with you. i'm not sure why, but here is one full length body shot and if your interested please notify me immediatly.

i like your show.

yours truly

grandma

2009-01-18T20:45:00.000-08:00

I'm often being reminded of how much I act exactly like my grandma. My grandma who killed a man when she was my age. My grandma who's a descended grandchild of Benjamin Franklin. My grandma who lives in a trailer in Mexico and is 90 years old and is as sharp as a tack. This is usually directed at me as an insult but I can only hope my life follows such an epic path.

narcisa

2009-01-18T20:18:00.000-08:00

a tale of love and terror

ITS always trouble, isn't it? big trouble. the kind of trouble i was born into. the gypsies have told me to watch out, that love would always be my downfall, my weakness. my wound.

A wise man once said that God enters through the wound. My dicks telling me like a compass pointing to the north star that she's The One.

..fiction..

2009-01-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

..I needed to know what he felt like. I was about to throw away my life to something called love. I was an unfaithful cunt. But I had this horrible feeling that I would return unearthed by some emancipating love story and I wouldn't be able to find it in me to ever do such a thing again. The heart that beat between my legs wouldn't cry for the attention of a love-stranger and dry up in the arms of security.

And I found it odd that it was just as easy to fall in love with someone you've spent a night with as someone you've spent most of your life with..

I MISS MY FAMILY THEY ARE FAR AWAY

2009-01-11T18:29:00.000-08:00

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

2009-01-10T14:36:00.000-08:00

k. i've never done this before.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

1. Do the splits

2. Start a slutty girl band with shelby

3. Stop dating twenteen year olds

4. Stop giving myself home-hair cuts.

LIKES

2009-01-10T13:23:00.001-08:00

sometimes me and shelby like to pretend we're mary kate and ashley and make lists of what we think eachother likes

kids are awesome

2009-01-06T18:58:00.000-08:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jan/05/german-children-elope-mika-annabel

aliens

2009-01-06T18:49:00.000-08:00

BBC found an alien inside a duck. my dad read me communion when i was 5. ever since aliens have kind of been my thing.

promising future careers

2009-01-06T18:36:00.000-08:00

yesterday i was dropping off some red bull at the YMCA and the man at the desk told me that it was a cool job and all but that i should really look into becoming a pilot for air canada. because they don't have enough female pilots. he was really serious. he even gave me the website. i also got offered a job as a stripper the other day.

i think this is a sign from above if i've ever seen one.

trap doors

2009-01-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

we crept with wide eyes at it's window sill. the world is pretty out there

we wondered where it lead and if it were the same in the morning

remember when you put vodka in my tea? it was iridescent

so we opened the window and jumped out

the flowers made noises

your cigarette splattered stars in the sky

the raccoons were apart of us. i had to give a part of myself to the moon if i wanted to be remembered this way

you don't like the stars much. they're just too big to fathom.

pre-love child

2008-12-19T21:12:00.000-08:00

your six feet too late

2008-07-24T20:24:00.000-07:00

i sit in the doorway, burning my lips, cussing my legs.

life is prettier this way

i cut out the articles and taped them to the side of the house. no one asked.

no one wondered.

it was something to pass the night.

i go to bed late. your still not back.

i devise a routine of flipping the pillow to the cold side every time the radio clock

flashes a 5.

5 because 5 is unlucky.

it's hot. too hot.

i need your cold heart to put me to sleep

your six feet too late

wrong finger

2008-07-05T12:10:00.000-07:00

I folded the papers up around it at every corner. The corners of the days we used to live by. It was this gold tin foil. a Chinatown sensation. 50 cent dvd’s and a plastic promise. I emptied out a wooden case we kept receipts in. stuff we bought for a made up life. I kept the box in a hollowed out book, stuffed it on the shelf.

Now nobody would know.

It’s twinkling little diamond face was terrifying. Morbid almost. It was an invariable reminder of the psychological murder that i would inevitably commit. However this wasn’t the first one. The first one arove in bubbly wrap on my doorstep with its head cut off. One I appreciated much more. It was far away. It was pen pal love. Like the kind you could sign up for in the back pages of Teen Beat magazine. This second one was all too sickly sweet and made me feel the way you feel when you’re 15 and your parents won’t let you out past midnight because you might fuck the boy that lives down the street. And I just wanted to way too much.

Slowly, number by number we held eachothers hands and tortured it to death.

The rest I don’t remember. Maybe there are drawings. But I just don’t remember.

Please love him more than I did.

because he'll eat me.

2008-06-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

I felt it crawl under my skin, lugging the old fax machine through the dusty city streets. the arrival of the first thing that would dump my life all over the kitchen floor and presume to steal every piece of furniture the home owned, so nothing had a shelf or a cupboard or a drawer to return to. this city is eclectic and suffocating. i am sick of being loved.

i untied the loose ribbon from around my neck and on Hallowe'en i took to him. i made him look prettier than those riding boots did. i still returned home every morning, trying to find homes for all the antics of what i thought as my life. but the dresser was overstuffed with dishes and the cupboards were full of books and the food piled up on the floor and the fridge housed my dirty dresses and did I really do all this? The fax machine still sat in a box and i can't remember where it came from to begin with.

i came home to eat breakfasts of stale tea and morning after pills.

not that we slept together. not that he even touched me. not that i could remember if we did or not.

i assumed at night he placed me in the night stand drawer, in order not to touch me, and to ensure i wouldn't escape back to 'love' whoever that was.

"when we get married i'll take your last name" he says.

"why do you always get to be the girl?"

now my clothes were being thrown one by one out the window out of sheer hate. he was laughing. oh he hated me with a passion, and if he loved me with a passion what difference would it make. it was still passion.

the bedroom full of holes

2008-06-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

the green lights pile up around us.

i didn't know i was this far gone.

i'll try not to think about it. try not to think about it. i try

to fabricate her again but i can't. this sleep is too light i know

and i might scream out and wake the others if i find her

and suddenly i'm wrapped in arms. real arms. waking is a

struggle. i didn't know bodies could dream too. because this

room is completely vacant.

except there is the cat with the peach eye. a cat that glows red

tonight. this sleep is terrifying. i can't

i can't do it anymore.

awake everything has rounded corners and feels far away. i search the pantry.

tin cans. i'm not hungry.

i'll follow the cat out the back door and down to the creek. dark morning

light is always intense. everything sparkles.

there is a skeleton asleep in the stream.

i thought i had already picked up all the pieces before bed?

dear ---# me

2008-06-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

aesthetic apparatus aesthetic apparatus

residents residing in adams apple

this is luck, what they've got coming

this

is a business.

green grass in a palace, silly story but it happened

leave it on the door step.

or don't, take it, you need it

my scissors make pictures on your knees

i didn't answer the phone, because of the acid

the buddy system doesn't work anymore

afternoon nap

2008-06-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

your lady friend is waiting on the steps. your unisex lover. i said you can sleep in my bed. if you want. but you won't. the kitchen floor is nice enough.

or you could just go home. you only live across the street. but you won't. you'd wear flowers in your hair if your mother would let you. but she won't.

i feel like pizza so i'm going to go now. you can wait here. i'm not allowed in the kitchen because you're naked so i'll eat it on the steps. and then she'll kiss me. and what will you do?

i never

dream about you.

step 7

2008-05-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

the body parts beneath the porch speak to me in the mornings and

my coffee is cold because it doesn't love me anymore. i like

the way things fell

apart

he told me you shouldn't try it after you're 14 because by then you know too much and you'll never be the same again. i'll probably try it anyway. i like it when he sits near me, but i'd never want to be alone in his presence. like a rape fantasy. it only exists on paper. and the vile mornings are warm blankets to the 3 of us. I went left instead of right.

the blood ran down my mouth in a perfect line, out the front door, down the steps, across the street and stopped at someone i used to know. i don't remember him today though. all those times my friend and i spent in the trees, black out after black out. i cant remember who i loved and who i was hiding. it never hurt enough to be love. we were just playing house. you left your diary under the toaster. i won't read it because i've already betrayed you enough.

phil - background information and history

2008-04-07T14:08:00.001-07:00

For anyone who doesn't know Phil:

Shot my bedroom window with a potatoe gun that he built.
Set up a shooting range facing a busy street and a public park.
Built a bomb at work and got 911 called on him when he blew it up (he works at a firehall).
Put electric fencing wire throughout the couch?
Put bleach in water he got from a stream in the backyard and made us drink it when there was a water ban.
Dropped me off at the Princeston once when I was 15 and was okay with it.

This is the phone call I got the other day from my mom:

I'm worried about your dad. He's on a heavy metal detox (think back to when Phil used to burn lead in the driveway to make fishing weights. What costs more than 100 bucks you can make). I came home and he put a box of garbage bags in the fridge and he had mushrooms that he picked lying all over the counter. He got lost in the forest for 45 mintues while doing this.

Phil lost in a forest kills me. I can't wait to see what happens once he decides to eat these mushrooms

Phil called me the other day to ask me if I saw him on the 6 o'clock news.

fuck I miss my family.

this makes me happy

2008-03-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

montreal

2008-03-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

We decided to go to Montreal for one night. All we really did was make up new names for vaginas. riddilin, and read the zingara.

easy

2008-03-05T15:01:00.000-08:00

this is what happened when I went through my old emails from my hotmail account.

On Nov 19, 2004, at 6:57 PM, g wrote:
hi i got a new email address because you hurt my feelings so much.
heres pictures of our band called easy and my yellow polka dot
bikini. its pretty ugly so i wear it a lot. it would probably fit you.
mish is the guitarist and lana is the drummer.
come hang out with us in vancouver. its fun.
talk to you soon

kristi

From:	Jeff

Sent:	November 19, 2004 4:06:22 PM
To:	kristi

fuck yeah. that shit is real hot. send more pics please. really, how's the band coming along?
and dont tempt me with visiting because maybe i will. but don't worry, i don't want the bikini.
you can keep it.

come say hi in new york

i was never in a band called easy. we wrote our names on some mailing list thing and the lead singer saw us do it and wrote me an email cause he wanted to hang out with us so we made up a really intense lie, hoping he'd fly us to new york. we even had a fake photoshoot. the band will remain anonymous. i miss being a teenager. teenagers are awesome.

snake fight

2008-03-05T14:57:00.001-08:00

have fun in fucking yellowknife.

childhood

2008-03-05T14:16:00.000-08:00

1989

The first time this happened I was four, up at a cabin on the island. I only remember two instances of this trip. A naked old man's package at a nude beach and that one of the larger green pieces of my duplo building blocks had duplicated overnight while I was sleeping. The set only came with one. I knew this because it was one of the best pieces. The biggest piece that I always used for the base structure of anything I built. Actually there was a blue one and a green one. But this time there was one blue one and two green ones. At four years old I had discovered that something from my parallel universe had somehow displaced itself and ended up in mine. This occurrence continued on for the remainder of my life. It would happen with things like panties, stickers, tank tops, toothbrushes and fridge magnets. Sometimes it happened with Mars. Or maybe it's Venus, whatever planet you can see from earth. I could see it from my bedroom window, but some nights it would appear twice side by side. I showed my friend and she was convinced it was an alien space ship and told my mom I had aliens in my room. Maybe. The strangest event was when my fish duplicated in it's fish bowl. I didn't want to tell anyone what had happened so I quickly and discretely flushed the right one down the toilet. Unless there were always two? Too late now. But it didn't matter because I knew now that it had gone back to where it had come from. It was from then on I knew that every time something went missing, the parallel me had found it in her universe. Sometimes I would ask for it back. Sometimes this worked but I figured she was greedy like me and thought two things were better than one. Still feel this way. My parents informed me that I had been named after an astronaut that died in the challenger space shuttle explosion the day before I was born. I concluded that she must have decided to return to earth as me but since she was in between universes when she died that the two must be coincidingly overlapping because our material possesions were not really sure where they belonged. I began heavily researching outer space and aliens. It didn't lead me to any answers.